i am different

In this expensive world today,

Everyone seems to have price, to have pride,

The sole earth is exclusively ridden,

By those who have big power and little kindness.

In this liverish world today,

I am being watched with hatred and prejudice,

Just because I am a bit different,

Their eyes will shoot blade and fire till I perish.

In this chauvinism world,

Just because I don’t seem to do what they do, watch what they watch, hear what they hear,

Full of ironic hatred is being thrown,

Just because I’m living a bit difference.

In this punishing world,

In every kindness I’ve portrayed, in every sympathy I’ve shown,

Proof to be made on paper, signed by those big-headed dick,

Just because they’re powerful and I’m powerless.

In this shallow-minded world,

The crowd, the groups of mature talk about their spouse, their future, their own drawn and made forthcoming,

Just because I drag my feet away from those useless conversation,

I’m being thrown by the shit they made,

Why? Just because I run away from the hopeless habit.

Do you ever know why I’m different?

Just because I hate your impractical act and pompous entertainment,

You said I’m digging my own grace.

You said I’m dragging my own feet into the hell you made.

Do you ever know why I’m different?

Just because I show kindness and being thoughtful about the others,

You said I’m lying.

You said I’m doing it for myself.

Are you dumb?

Are you fucking dumb?

Just because I curse and said fuck you in front of your face,

It doesn’t show the inner heart being made.

Just because they went to worship God,

It doesn’t mean their heart is cleaned.

Do you know why I’ve made mistake?

Because it reminds me that human can never be perfect,

Because it reminds me that every mistakes can be fixed,

Because it reminds me how to forgive.

Do you know why I hate the one who act like they are so freakin nice and religious?

Because in their heart, they consumes hatred to those who are not like them.

Because in their heart, they think they are above others.

Because in their heart, they are perfect.

Am I wrong?

Am I wrong for being indifferent from you?

Am I regret it?

Hell no.

Because I wanna live the life full of mistake,

So that when time passes, I could tell myself, ‘ahh, the mistakes make me what I am today.’

long-lost greeting.

Hey bloggie…

 I just realized I haven’t visited and written much right. Almost a year I abandoned you? Hurm,, more or less. I couldn’t care.

I just wanna greet you. I dint have much mood to write nor to say anything else. I’ll meet you again, okay?

I love you bloggie.. miss you too.. I miss writing you.. JJJ

The Pain is Nothing...

I have realised that the pain I've tasted these days is nothing compared to the pain that everybody's else felt.

I know I'm not grateful enough for the life I live now, but I will try harder.

I will put my effort on things that I've should done and things are not. 

I will take example from people who have suffered enough to taste victory in the end.

Rome is not built in one day, so yeah~

Thanks to those who make me realised that nothing is easy.

Pain today is for Success tomorrow.

~VITA DOLCE,MODERATO~

Keep climbing and you will reach your goal.. :)

TALKING is not my cup of tea...

What to do? It seems like I’m in big trouble these days. HAHA~

Why did I say so? It is because I seem to be lonely by my own. Blueh~ is that a problem too? *faint*

This is me. This is what I am. I don’t like talking to people who I do not comfortable with. To me, I would better shut my mouth up rather than acting. People say I am very friendly, easy go lucky, and the type of person who can be put anywhere on the earth. However, you are all wrong. You might seem that I can talk very well with elders, I speak with manner to those who are older than me, but you don’t know my heart.

Aaaaa~ really...... It’s TROUBLESOME!!

People say I can join the elders very well. That job is more difficult than sitting for examination, you know? I would rather lock myself for hours at library rather than talking. HAHAHA :)  

I also find myself very difficult to talk to those who I din close with. It feels like you are carrying tons of boulder on your shoulders. Well, I feel it that way.

SERIOUSLY, I CHOOSE BEING LONELY RATHER THAN BEING IN PUBLIC.

Hurm, but I hate eating alone. But, it’s okay, as long as I got music, books, or laptop in front of me. They can transform being humans for me anytime I want. KAHKAH :P

Ahhh~ God, please understand me. If I put my earphone on, I really wish you din talk to me. Of course I feel sorry to those, but ahhh..... what is the point of talking to me if I have no interested in?

People may see I talk very much, but, I did it just to please people. They would dislike those who are quiet, right? I do it to be like, to avoid awkwardness.

Well, I guess no matter what we like or dislike, we have to do it to please people right? :)

Buat je la dora wei... Tak luak mulut kalau cakap banyak pom. Tapi,,, kalau asyik nak puaskan hati orang, sampai bil eyh? HAHAHAHA~ entahlah kawe.

“B to the I BANG, B to the I BANG!!”

just my little thought....

Exam is around the kaki lima. Like usual, I don’t make much effort on studying as I hate one. I hate getting knowledge based on examination. You know what, after the exam finished, all the knowledge will be disappeared, just like doodle on the beach, being washed away by the sea. Examination is just like not my thing. Zzzz~ how I wish to study oversea. *angan-angan minah jenin*

Just so you know, I am having this complication with someone. I feel like getting myself away from her. I don’t feel comfortable as everything I did, annoyed her and everything she did, annoys me. I used to love her, but not anymore, after I knowing what she’d said about me. It’s not like I don’t love her, it’s just I don’t like her like I used to.

I have been asking something from My Lord, something that I need in order to improve and make myself better. I hope He will grant it, as I really need it. :) Help me Allah... Please, I am begging you, please make that wish becomes my first birthday present of my 21^st.

SPORT is not a SIN

Assalamualaikum....

Huahaha~ it has been long since I update. Having hard time, these days I am. Guess what? EXAM is around the kaki lima. Oh my God.~~ **act worried la konon**. HAHA. I have been reading Dan Brown’s novel, and reading is so hard when the air is humid and the rain keeps falling. Not to worry, I am about to finish ANGELS & DEMONS, later I want to proceed with THE HOBBIT, borrowed from my classmate and continue with BROWN’s THE DA VINCI CODE, THE LOST SYMBOLS, and DECEPTION POINT. Haish,,, can’t wait loh.. Brown is so talented at giving me breathless tangle of a thriller.

Actually, my entry this time has nothing to do with reading or any novel what so ever. It’s actually about SPORT. You know I’ve been injured and yet still until now, my feet doesn’t heal properly yet. But I can just resist from playing. It’s in my blood. Without my mum’s knowledge, I sneak playing RUGBY and BADMINTON here. HEHE.

Alright. Actually to those who never try SPORT will say that it is a waste of time. Believe me, you are damn wrong. Sport actually gives you lots and unimaginable benefits. Lemme list a few.

SPORT is an activity where :

1) You can make friends.

2) You could go to new place for any tournaments.

3) You can develop your social skills.

4) You can learn survival skills.

5) You realize that your friends are you, yourself. You are breathing them.

6) You learn what’s yours is theirs.

7) You realize that your friends are actually your ‘siblings’.

8) You learn to appreciate your moment in life.

9) You fight and breathe to death with your friends.

10) You die fighting or shame losing.

There are so many listed benefits right?

You know, in sport, I learn that what mine are my teammate’s. We share bottles (drinks), food, tissues, energy and so on. Some people feel unsecure when you share your drink with people, but I think there’s no need la to be KEREK kan,, nak geli2 ngan kawan sendiri. They are not drug addicted or AIDS patient pom kan? Paling teruk pom they are just smoking. Kalau straw, maybe I am particular sikit. My girlies boley la kan,, but boys, uh-oh! Those yang I suka je I can take it, those yang I x berapa, I pusingkan upside down the straw. Haha. BIAS!!

Eh, ada cicak tengah main berkejaran.. haha. **out of topic**

Sebenarnya, aku nak cakap yang kalau awak ni baik dengan lelaki or perempuan, itu bukannya batu penanda yang awak ni budak jahat or budak yang social what-so-ever. Bak kata orang, berkawan biar seribu, tapi musuh jangan dicari. Dalam dunia ni , ada macam-macam jenis orang. Aku ni pom x sure lagi aku ni jenis yang macamane. Aku sendiri pom konpius dengan diri aku, orang lain lagilah kan? Ada certain orang yang boley masuk ngan kau kalau kau jenis yang happy-go-lucky, ada jugak orang yang particular gila, sampai nak sentuh pen dia pom dia x boley. So, know your friends and accept them for who they are. OKeh?

And to those yang aku telah mengannoyingkan korang, aku mintak maaf k. Aku akan try ubah perangai aku yang annoying ni. Aku ni cepat terpengaruh ngan orang, kalau orang cucuk aku, cakap ko annoying tahap dewa, aku akan terus jadi x suka ko, walaupom bagi aku ko ni biasa2 jek. Aku sayang korang2 semua. Dan aku mintak maaf k.

OH, last Sunday I went to INSTITUT PENDIDIKAN GURU KAMPUS BAHASA MELAYU, KL for an event there and today, I won the first place in Woman Rugby Touch. Tomorrow is the boy’s game, so goodluck!

My team (sit) won the 1st place. The Blue team won second. :)

Am I the devil?

It is five past five in the morning.
I just come back from IPG Bahasa Melayu, Kuala Lumpur.

Am I the devil, the bad one?
I really don't have any idea.
Maybe you forgot, i HAVE feeling, despite the fact that i AM A HUMAN, not any sort of ALIEN who been created by TET or any ALiEN AGENCY in the space.

You called yourself my (*&^%$#$%^&*, but you hardly helped me when I am in trouble.
''I feel like slapping you guys. Hell well I am not your mother, so manage yourself well lah. You've grown up, an adult, so please behave like one. Whatever I told you, you've never listened. Listen, I care about your future, but I am not living in it. I want to help, but it seems I am the one who rabbit here and there.
Listen to what I am about to tell and do for you.
I might help you this time only.
YOU, YOU and YOU!
I make you important than myself but you do not seem to put me as same as your other (*&^%$#$%^&. I don't care but please be just.
YOU!
Hard to help. Always with the self-centred.
and YOU!
I don't blame you, I know it is hard for you to help, but you didn't seem like trying. That's what hurt the most.

YOU,,
don't assume I am mad when I am not talking. I don't feel like one, so, ignore me.
Don't make that face. Doesn't look cute on you too.

YOU,
thanks so much.

YOU,
do not help me if you are regretting inside.
don't say yes if you are not sincere.

I REGRET of asking help from people.
I FORGET who I am, the girl who does not like to ask for HELP.
I AM A SINNER because my injury makes me spoil, asking for help, here and there.
I AM SORRY if I am a troublesome in your life.
THANK YOU for your help, friends.

SPECIAL THANKS FOR my roomate, SARAH for helping me all the time, SHEDA, PREET, SOOKIE, MUNEE, AIMAN, AYIE (for sending me to hospital. I still owe you, pal), MISS AMRIEN, my classmates. :)

I WONT FORGET a SINGLE thing.
I am living on your gratitude.

p/s: I'll go anywhere for you, anywhere you ask me to. I'll do anything for you, anything you ask me too. *BACKSTREET BOYS*