I wanted to
write my thesis but so many things have been going on in my mind right now.
Yesterday, when I arrived at Paloh, I wanted to resume my thesis writing, but
in between, I got frustrated because I couldn’t think straight. The house was
so noisy with thunder-like conversation between the families. I barely finish
my Dedication writing- see- that so much easy writing yet it took almost 30
minutes. So, I decided to just go to bed and had an early wake-up around 3 a.m.
Afterward, I
did my research and reading and others checking-up things until late at 9 a.m.
Then, I tried to have some sleep but my sister insisted to go to kampong Nyior
straight away. Agreed, I took my bath to freshen up and then drove for almost 2
hours. Arriving home with so much sleepiness taken over my soul, my mom asked
me, ‘At what time you’re going back tomorrow,’ when I was about to sleep. I
knew she wanted to go shopping, buying some groceries and other stuffs. I
wanted to go back tonight as I wanted to finish my thesis which resulted I
brought her to the mall that very afternoon. Four hours passed and the driving
really drove me exhausted till I couldn’t even speak no more. I think if I were
to speak one word, I would collapse straight away.
When
everything was settled, I lied down to sleep but being sucked to dreamland
wasn’t easy. So I browsed my phone to get the drowsiness to take over. It was
late at 4 I believed I fell asleep and pitifully, it didn’t drown me for long
as I was woken to the sound of the worst thunderstorm I’d ever experienced
before. It was so loud and the lightning was so scary, I felt like when the
thunder stroke, the earth shaken. Really, I wasn’t joking. In the
hallucinatingplusdrowsy-state, I still could think straight as I threw my phone
far away from me in case the lightning would strike it and it would result my
death.
Typically, I
closed my eyes in somnolence but I wasn’t taken back to sleep. And at 7 my
sister again thundered me to wake up! It was so annoying because I couldn’t
sleep and my mind mentally conversed in infuriatedly. “I KNOW WHEN I SHOULD
WAKE UP, )(*&^%$#@#$%^&*!!.” “I WASN’T EVEN
SLEEPING<@#$%^&*()(*&^%$!!!!”
But I knew
they wont stop disturbing my peaceful zombie-like condition unless I woke up
which annoying I did. I searched for a drink and guessed what, they prepared
‘SIRAP BANDUNG’ which was NEVER, EVER, EVER my favourite drink. I just hated
that drink I would rather drink plain water but to think of my mother’s
feeling, I served myself a glass of iced tea and waited on the stairs alone,
accompanied with my sleepiness. So, after I drank it, I went back to sleep.
The most
annoying part was, when they finished eating, they came to the place that I
lied down and I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SLEEP YET AT THAT TIME!! As usual, the
thunder-like conversation took over the surrounding and I was so annoyed I
wanna kill myself at that time. WHY CANT THEY UNDERSTAND HOW TIRED I AM????
They talked in
so many way wronged me. And my bloody sister put up a very loud song at my ear!
I was so annoyed I woke up and gone mad! I thundered in madness, “YOU EVEN
DISTURBED ME LAST NIGHT,” (referred to last night’ situation) and walked to my
sister’s room.
I was so mad I
cried. I don’t know I cried but I was so furious that they didn’t know how
tired I was and how worried I was with my thesis. I felt like they didn’t even
give a damn about my life and I was so mad. After that I slept straight away
because I didn’t want to think of any other damn thing and woke up at 11 I
think.
My head kept
thinking of how I cried just now. I don’t know. I really feel like why cant
they understand me a bit. I even tell them how hectic and troublesome my life
was as I needed to complete my study 2 months early because of that damned
system. I even tell them that I had to finish my thesis by Monday. I just cant
understand of why they didn’t seem like they care if I had to struggle and need
some rest. I am tired. I didn’t even eat yesterday. At sahur or berbuka. I just
drink iced milk tea and plain water.
Can you just
trust of whatever I am doing?
