complicated

It’s 3.02 a.m and I’m feeling complicated right now. Everything inside me is not doing right, twisted and knotted and I found no way to make it feel any better right freakin now.

The problem is I don’t even know what my problem is.. it’s just…everything feels complicated I wanna rest and let a rush of coldness slaps my face hard to free me from the war of throttle inside me right now.

I wish I could erase some part of myself that make my living hard but I know I cant, I cant escape myself from my own bullshit no matter how hard I want it to be. How to make it better when I know I cant even escape this crap?

I don’t know…

I don’t know what I should do right now…

I want to stop this, but I cant find myself a way out.

No, I lie.

I lie. I freaking lie.

I know what’s wrong with me. I want to twist my fate, to rewrite my history, to make it a way better than what and who I am right now. I don’t like who I am right now. I really don’t like it, in fact I hate it. I hate who I am right now. I want a different me. I want a different history of mine. I know I sound like a freaking ungrateful shellhead who isn’t worth a penny to live but yeah, I still wanna be a mermaid who exchange her voice for her tail although I absolutely realize the mermaid would turn into useless bubbles in the end. At least the mermaid no longer has to bear the burden of her heart, right?