It’s 3.02 a.m and I’m feeling complicated right now.
Everything inside me is not doing right, twisted and knotted and I found no way
to make it feel any better right freakin now.
The problem is I don’t even know what my problem is.. it’s
just…everything feels complicated I wanna rest and let a rush of coldness slaps
my face hard to free me from the war of throttle inside me right now.
I wish I could erase some part of myself that make my living
hard but I know I cant, I cant escape myself from my own bullshit no matter how
hard I want it to be. How to make it better when I know I cant even escape this
crap?
I don’t know…
I don’t know what I should do right now…
I want to stop this, but I cant find myself a way out.
No, I lie.
I lie. I freaking lie.
I know what’s wrong with me. I want to twist my fate, to
rewrite my history, to make it a way better than what and who I am right now. I
don’t like who I am right now. I really don’t like it, in fact I hate it. I
hate who I am right now. I want a different me. I want a different history of
mine. I know I sound like a freaking ungrateful shellhead who isn’t worth a
penny to live but yeah, I still wanna be a mermaid who exchange her voice for
her tail although I absolutely realize the mermaid would turn into useless
bubbles in the end. At least the mermaid no longer has to bear the burden of
her heart, right?
